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I wonder...  
06:17am 08/06/2013
I find myself in this consistent state of belief and disbelief..at least as far as the metaphysical or supernatural is concerned. I want to believe in everything, to some extent I even choose to believe in the existence of everything. On the same token I take everything with a grain of salt as I believe that most people are full of shit. Which is very difficult to say, but generally speaking: I don't trust people. People are gullible and stupid, suckers, easily tricked; it makes it very difficult for me to trust or believe what people say.

I know what I am, I know who I am. I know what I believe and what I choose to believe, that doesn't necessarily make it true. It seems true to me. However, what is true to me may not be the same for every one else which I think is where the crux of the matter lies. I think even reality is subjective; who is to know what is reality for another? We have not lived the life of the others or known their pain or pleasures. Their experiences are uniquely theirs-regardless of who may have been present-because they each lend their own perspective which is what makes life so complex to me.

I read this in a different manner than some, it may be similar to some-but as far as I know- it is uniquely my own. I think that is probably what makes humankind so interesting. Everyone is unique and that is our similarity. We all share the fact that we are different than every other human being on the planet. Some of us want to believe in things and some of us don't. Some of us are passive, some of us are aggressive, some of us are both, and some of us do not give a single flying fuck either way. I may take out a mop and fill a bucket with pine-sol and water to clean my floor but that does not mean it is the only way, or "the right way" If the end goal is to get the floor clean than it may not necessarily matter how I get there. I could spray a cleaning product on the floor and swiffer it, swiffer it with a wet swiffer pad, spray it and mop it with a regular mop, scrub it with a brush or even a Q-tip, I might even just squirt dish liquid on it, spray it with the sink sprayer and dry it with a towel. The end result is the same and to most the result does not make clear the means of getting there.

So I often wonder what people live their life for? If one is constantly worried about something than is the person who worries truly living? What is it that people desire their end result to be? I want my end result to be happy, I want people to have known of my existence and I want to be happy wherever I go when I pass away. Logically this dictates several things. Firstly, I have to work toward making an impact on this Earth and as I see reality in a subjective manner that means trying to treat people as positively as I can. Secondly, it means that I need to believe that humans are more then just bio-mechanical machines, if we have a soul there is an afterlife. Third, it means that I must believe there is a happy life for the soul after living in the body. Obviously I know people die and no longer exist in a corporeal form, which means if I want to believe that I will live on forever in some fashion than I must believe in an afterlife of some sort.

This, However: leads to an entirely different set of problems. For example, if all humans have souls and these souls go somewhere when we die, wouldn't that place get full? Okay, so I believe in reincarnation, well that covers the aspect of the afterlife becoming full so how do we explain the burgeoning population? Do many bodies not have souls or are these souls created for new bodies? A body with no soul is disturbing so let's say there are new souls created for the increasing population, which brings us back to the original problem. Wouldn't the afterlife become full? If you believe the afterlife is infinite than what does that mean for reality? Is reality and our universe just as infinite?

For me the list of questions and the cycle of possible answers continues on forever. If a new solution arises than a new argument against that solution arises, so I am not usually able to believe people easily. I believe perspectives are subjective and that no one has all of the answers. I believe that people are fallible and I believe that everyone is right and horribly mistaken at the same time. We are right because our perspective tells us so and we are wrong because someone elses perspective is different. We can only make the best for ourselves of this mixed up, crazy world. We can only teach our children to make the best of it. Be kind to others, live as happily as you can, and wait to see what will happen. This is all I know. I believe I should live everyday like there will be nothing when I pass away, and if there is something than maybe I will have done well enough to prosper there too.
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June 2013  

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